Poor Unfortunate Souls

The only way to get what you want
Is to become a human yourself

Can you do that?

My dear sweet child
That's what I do
It's what I live for
To help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself
Poor souls with no one else to turn to

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me
Well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light
And made a switch

And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possesed
And here lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed-- Pathetic!

Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That want wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed!

Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying spells, Ursula, please!
And I help them, yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em
'Cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

Have we got a deal?

If I become human
I'll never be with my father or sisters again

But you'll have your man
Life's full of tough choices, inn'nt it?
Oh, and there is one more thing
We haven't discussed the subject of payment

But I don't have any..

'm not asking much, just a token
Really, a trifle
What I want from you is, your voice

But without my voice, how can I..

You'll have your looks]
Your pretty face]
And don't underestimate the importance of
Body language, Ha!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They thing a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear
What is idle prattle for?

Come on]
They're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue
Who gets her man

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead, make your choice
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much, just your voice

You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad, but true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul

Beluga, sevruga, come winds
Of the Caspian Sea
Larynxes, glacydis, ad max
Laryngitis la voce to me

Now sing. Keep singing!