All I Wanted
(Snape's Lament for Lilly)

I am not a bigwig or Daily star
And I am old and have not come very far
You always knew, didn't you, back in school
That you saw me, as you wanted, so very uncool

I am not strong nor am I a millionaire
Insulted me from my clothes to my hair
Weakened my strengths and strengthened my weaknesses
But I don't blame myself, instead I curse you (excuses, excuses!)

All I ever really wanted
It wasn't popularity or your money
All I ever really needed
Was to be accepted as I am
All I ever wanted
Didn't you hear it in my voice, see it in my eyes?
All I wanted was for you to see me as I saw you

I made a mistake that one dark day
When those friends of yours had their way
Turned my life upside down quite literally
And I snapped, at you, I didn't want you to see

Don't you remember, when we were younger
You starved to know yourself & I fed your hunger
We cared for each other, same despite our differences
Don't you know I was too hurt to take my proper chances

All I ever really wanted
Nothing crass or out of the ordinary
All I ever really needed
Was to be shown the way to stay with you
All I ever wanted
Thought I saw it there reflected in your emerald eyes
All I wanted was so close but so far away

Then came the day when you left but my love for you never went away
I kept it safe inside me, a fire forever keeping me warm despite the cold
Then I heard that he wanted to take you away from me forever
I had to be careful, but I couldn't stand there and not try
So I went to his greatest enemy, begged him to keep you safe

I wanted to see you again
I so wish I had gone to see you again
In my dreams I can go see you once again
But they turn dark, I can't stop,
I watch him murder you before my very eyes
I am paralyzed
As your life flashes before my eyes
I can wear no disguise
When it comes to you,
But only after you've been taken away from me.

But I get to see your eyes again, every day tho you're dead
Buried in a different face, one like the one you wed
Like fire and ice in the same place, inside my heart
It's your son, I hate him, I love him, I'm pulled apart!

All I ever really wanted
I never got to put the words out right
All I ever really needed
Was to learn the magic spell to do right by you
All I ever wanted
Your voice in my dreams your eyes now mocking me
All I want now is to see this through

I will protect him, I will be brave
I will push him to be more like you
I will play my part with no fear or doubt
I will show you that you are all I wanted

All I want is you, my one and only love

2007 Seeker of the Way