"Very, very queer things have been happening to me
In some of the places where I've been.
I went to the pillar-box this morning with a letter
And a hand came out and took it in.
"When I got home again, I thought I'd have
A glass of spirits to steady myself
And I take my bible oath, but that bottle and glass
Came a-hopping down off the shelf.
"No, no, I says, I'd better take no spirits,
And I sat down to have a cup of tea;
And blowed if my old pair of carpet-slippers
Didn't walk across the carpet to me!
"So I took my newspaper and went into the park,
And looked round to see no one was near,
When a voice right out of the middle of the paper
Started reading the news bold and clear!
"Well, I guess there's some magician out to help me,
So perhaps there's no need for alarm;
And if I manage not to anger him,
Why should he do me any harm?"